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January 1, 0001


HumourList package #74 - Top Ten Lists

My trip to California, sadly, is over, and I’m back at the grind. I typed up a few notes about the trip, and will be available as a Special Edition Package. It’s pretty funny, so you might want to check it out.

How?

Simple. Send an Email message to humourlist@cyberus.ca and type the following command in the body of the message (not on the subject line):

backissue s7

This Special Edition Package will eventually show up on my own home page eventually with graphics included.

Back to this Package …

This Package is made up entirely of top 10-style lists from Chris White’s “Top Five” list. It’s taken me a few months to collect enough clean lists from him to fill a Package of my own, so here goes.

Blanket Copyright Notice for everything UNDER my copyright notice below:

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ] [ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ] [ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]

Enjoy!


Opening header is Copyright 1998 by Ian W. Douglas; all rights are reserved, and no portion should be copied in any way or modified in any way without permission of the author. The remainder of this Package is absolutely free for distribution provided all of the subscription instructions remain intact at the end


The Top 17 Other Effects of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction

  1. With nowhere else to go, radio signals converge on Don King’s hair.

  2. Tamagotchis the world over die a slow, horrible death.

  3. Worldwide headaches when everyone’s metal dental fillings receive the signals from Gilbert Gottfried’s cell phone.

  4. Phoneless George Steinbrenner left unable to fire Joe Torre when the Yankees trailed in the third.

  5. Ross Perot and Newt Gingrich stricken with terror while temporarily out of touch with the mothership.

  6. Fortune Cookie Effect: words “in bed” added to end of all text messages.

  7. Their cellular phones useless, denizens of Los Angeles experience the quaint charm of eating their lunch with both hands.

  8. Dennis Rodman tentatively removes tinfoil cap and crawls out from under the woodpile.

  9. Cher’s face snaps and rolls up like a cheap paper window shade.

  10. After several days of no pages from the maitre de, the not-too-swift “Wilson, party of four” still waits a block away from restaurant and, boy, are they hungry.

  11. Young girls everywhere panic as Tiger Beat magazine temporarily loses track of Leonardo DiCaprio.

  12. “This is Xyctlinor of Reanus IV.Did someone at this number page me?”

  13. Iraqi spy “Intern-bots” in the White House go on the fritz and begin offering themselves to Sam Donaldson.

  14. All the crazies on New York streets stop receiving their mind control signals from the CIA, rejoin society and head straight for Starbucks.

  15. Five top Hollywood agents died in horrible phone cord accidents.

  16. Drug dealers resort to cruising neighborhoods in their primered Buick Regals, playing distorted rap versions of “The Entertainer.”

and Top5’s Number 1 Other Effect of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction…

  1. Millions of Hanson fans, momentarily freed from mind control, realize in unison that they’ve wasted their allowance.

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The Top 16 Movies Starring the Taco Bell Chihuahua

  1. Looking for Mr. Goodfood

  2. The Sound Of Yap-Yap-Yap-Yap-Yap-SMACK!

  3. His evil twin, Godzima

14> Hemorrhoithra

13> A creeping malaise, caused by his being agnostic and painfully aware of his own cosmic insignificance

12> Deepakchopra

11> Tony “The Taxidermist” Bouffanti

10> ManRay: Fearsome Black and White Photographer Awakened after 50-Year Slumber

9> Gnatra

8> Marvthra, the Panty-Wearing Muncher

7> Chumbawamba

6> Tupacra, the Giant Gangsta

5> Tortilla, the Mexican Terror

4> Flatulo - “Watch out! He’s turning around!!”

3> Hanson, the Three-Headed Monster

2> Mothra Stewart

and the Number 1 Lesser Known Opponent of Godzilla…

1> Disembowel-You Elmo

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HumourList List Manager can be contacted at ian@wildwebservices.com

Instructions on subscribing or unsubscribing (and many other commands) can be seen online at The Official HumourList Home Page: http://www.wildwebservices.com/humourlist/